Too-Specific Top 10 - Living Weapons
June 9, 2023 by
DougY 
(Nahiri, Forged in Fury | Art by Dominik Mayer)
It's Alive! It's Alive!
Welcome to Too-Specific Top 10, where if there isn’t a category to rank our pet card at the top of, we’ll just make one up! (Did you know that Barbed Spike is the only Equipment that creates a Thopter token?)
Another set, another boring Boros Equipment commander. Or is it?
No, no, I'm not going to lie to you: as exciting as Affinity for Equipment sounds, Nahiri, Forged in Fury is just another boring Boros Equipment commander. Sure, she incentivizes you to play a lot of little Equipment instead of a ton of "Swords of Various Thing and Counter-Thing", but you're still going to have to play creatures to equip all that stuff to, which you won't be able to play for free off of her ability, so...
Wait, what if you didn't have to play a ton of creatures to put Equipment onto?
Top 10 Living Weapons
Living Weapon is a mechanic on the cusp of becoming a teenager, originally printed in Mirrodin Besieged back in 2011. The idea of it was simple, yet lip-curlingly clever: make a 0/0 token that would normally die via state-based action, then attach an Equipment to it that gives it an actual power and toughness.
It's since been revisited in New Phyrexia, Commander 2015, Modern Horizons 2, and most recently, Phyrexia: All Will Be One (Commander) and March of the Machine (Commander). With all that attention, you'd think it was a fairly deep mechanic to pull cards from, but it actually only appears on 15 cards total. So, rather than grant Flayer Husk a spot on a top 10 list for its many virtues of "costing one mana", maybe we should expand our thought process out from Living Weapon, specifically to include the many different mechanics that it has inspired.
The basic idea of Living Weapon before Wizards decided to be clever with it is still one that holds a lot of water: make a token upon the Equipment entering the battlefield, then attach said Equipment to it (then make the equip cost ludicrous to check that privilege). While For Mirrodin! might feel a bit less clever and be a bit more expensive than some of the rather cheap Living Weapon options, having a 2/2 equipped is the same as having a 0/0 equipped when it comes to triggering Nahiri's exile ability. Even better, the higher casting costs don't matter as much, given that you could very well be casting them for free!
So, with that in mind, let's expand things out to both named and unnamed Equipment that come with the whole package gift-wrapped, and see what we've got!
Criteria: Boros Equipment cards that create a creature token (nice try, Bloodforged Battle-Axe) under your control (outta here, Dowsing Dagger!) upon entering the battlefield. As is tradition, all results are ordered by EDHREC score.
10. Goblin Morningstar
(3,689 Inclusions, 0% of 1,215,786 Decks)
Narrowly making our criteria, Goblin Morningstar is honestly more of a die-roll deck inclusion than an Equipment deck inclusion, if you ask me. The only thing that makes it maybe playable in a Nahiri deck (if not really deserving of this spot in the Top 10 that will soon be claimed by Kemba's Banner or Hexgold Hoverwings) is that it not only makes a token and an Equipment, but it provides trample. The numbe of times I've seen an Equipment deck have a 15/15 creature on the table with double strike is impressive, but it still gets chump-blocked by a 1/1 just the same. Goblin Morningstar prevents that, and gets you a token along the way, whether or not your coin flip lets you have it start attached or not.
9. Bladehold War-Whip
(3,694 Inclusions, 2% of 190,186 Decks)
If you were looking for the specific card that was custom-designed for Equipment decks like Nahiri, however, then here it is: Bladehold War-Whip gives you a 2/2 with double strike for three mana, already a pretty good rate, then lowers your equip costs and counts as both an Equipment and an equipped creature for your various Boros Equipment-matters cards. It will not stay here at the number nine slot for long, as its already shooting up the list despite only having been printed three months ago.
8. Glimmer Lens
(4,953 Inclusions, 1% of 403,702 Decks)
Glimmer Lens also stacks up as an amazing Equipment out of Phyrexia: All Will Be One Commander, only it's even more aggressively priced and available in white in general rather than Boros specifically. Combine that with card draw being a bit hard to come by in white historically, and this thing has been a Godsend. At its worst it's a 2/2 for two, but if you can meet the very low bar of attacking with it and another creature, it will already have replaced itself; to say nothing of what starts happening when you put this or other mono-white For Mirrodin! cards in blink decks. In other words, expect this to be a lot nearer the top of this list the next time we check in.
7. Batterbone
(5,297 Inclusions, 0% of 2,559,808 Decks)
While a 1/1 Germ with vigilance and lifelink pales in comparison to a 2/2 that draws you cards, Batterbone is nonetheless a two-mana Equipment that brings an equipped creature along with it and is colorless. That goes pretty far, even if the five-mana equip cost feels a bit too ludicrous to play outside of Equipment decks that will most likely get around to paying it.
6. Bitterthorn, Nissa's Animus
(6,329 Inclusions, 1% of 432,016 Decks)
Even newer than our excellent All Will Be One Equipment cards that bring a token along, I still wasn't surprised to see Bitterthorn, Nissa's Animus here halfway up the list when I looked it all up on Scryfall. The reason is simple: people love Sword of the Animist, and this is basically that.
Or is it? I'm not so sure. Sword of the Animist comes down earlier, can be equipped even if you don't hit your third land drop to swing in and get it for you, and can do so with a one-drop you played on turn one without having to wait a turn for summoning sickness. By comparison, Bitterthorn, Nissa's Animus feels like one of the many three-mana mana rocks we've been getting pushed lately: maybe good enough to fit a niche, but still probably not worth pushing out many of the two-mana options unless you're purposefully making the decision to make your deck worse. In short, Cursed Mirror this ain't. It's fine for Equipment decks, but even there I wouldn't be pushing out Sword of the Animist, or even the Treasure-makers that can come down earlier, like Prying Blade and Goldvein Pick.
5. Hexplate Wallbreaker
(7,074 Inclusions, 2% of 416,650 Decks)
Our highest ranked For Mirrodin! card, Hexplate Wallbreaker joins Glimmer Lens as a card that's easily playable outside of Equipment decks across a broad spectrum of strategies. Don't get me wrong, there are better extra attack cards than Hexplate Wallbreaker, from Combat Celebrant to Moraug, Fury of Akoum. Few of them give you more than one bite at the apple, however, and even fewer give you several chances after creature removal to keep on abusing extra attack steps.
4. Scytheclaw
(7,262 Inclusions, 0% of 2,559,808 Decks)
Hello, my name is Doug, and I'm a Pox-a-holic.
It's been two years since my last Pox article, and yet I still find myself thinking about how good it feels to be reducing life totals in the manner of Final Fantasy's Demi spell. I see the lifegain decks sitting at 102, and laugh at the thought of repeatedly applying percentages until they're down here with the rest of us. I can't help but imagine activating Heartless Hidetsugu multiple times per turn in an untappers deck.
So, when I say I'm rather unimpressed with Scytheclaw, please know that it's not because I don't want to be. Unless you're super deep into Living Weapon effects, you'd much rather just be playing Quietus Spike, even in Equipment decks. It's both better and cheaper.
That said, we are talking about going all-in on Living Weapon effects, so I guess I can give this one a pass and consider it for the decklist. But I'm watching you, Scytheclaw!
3. Batterskull
(13,109 Inclusions, 1% of 2,559,808 Decks)
If you asked most folks to name a Living Weapon card, for years their answer would've been Batterskull. For old heads, it probably still is. Unlike some of the other, older Living Weapon cards, it's rather aggressively costed at a 4/4 with vigilance and lifelink for five, and has a return ability to both protect itself and spam tokens if you have all the mana in the world and something to make Germs have some toughness. While I still wouldn't call it back-breaking, and would likely play most of the newer token-creating Equipment over it, I can still see enough upside to predict fairly confidently that it will remain on this list for a long time to come.
2. Bonehoard
(13,632 Inclusions, 1% of 2,559,808 Decks)
Likewise, I don't think Bonehoard is going to stay here at the top of the list, but it's also too big to stray down the list too far. In your average Commander game, if no one has been spamming graveyard hate, this will come down on turn four somewhere in the neighborhood of 3/3. That may not be turning any heads to start, but within another couple turns of the table, or upon the first board wipe, I'd predict closer to a 10/10, to say nothing of how huge this thing can get in the late game. Simply put, if you have a need for a 20/20, or have an evasive commander, then Bonehoard is worth consideration, especially if you're routinely filling your own graveyard.
1. Nettlecyst
(43,875 Inclusions, 2% of 2,559,808 Decks)
Similarly, it's not hard to find out where Nettlecyst is seeing play. Artifact decks are the most popular archetype in the format, and Equipment decks technically qualify as artifact decks. In either strategy, this is essentially an auto-include, with some consideration for enchantment decks on the side.
Honorable Mentions
Well, now that we've put together a list, I think it's time to put together a list, don't you?
Living Weapons
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As always seems to be the case with these newer commanders, this deck ended up feeling a lot more powerful during goldfishing tests than I expected. It routinely gets down a couple smaller Equipment early, many of which are also the ramp for the deck which also make Nahiri, Forged in Fury come out a little quicker. Combine that with her being able to trigger for a whole bunch more Equipment and tokens the same turn she comes down, and the deck feels both aggressive and resilient as you play hordes of Equipment down from your library while keeping your hand full for the inevitable board wipe. Combine that with the likelihood of that board wipe only removing your tokens, as opposed to your actual Equipment, and I think this thing could be a winner.
As for other considerations, there weren't many further down the list that warranted mention (that weren't already mentioned in the lead-up to the top 10 list), although that doesn't mean there weren't any cards worth talking about.
In a deck that both cares about tokens and Equipment, there are a ton of options outside of Living Weapon cards that care about both. While Treasure may not be the goal, it's never bad to have extra mana available, and The Reaver Cleaver can get you that in spades as probably the best three-mana "rock" in the format. Similarly, Bloodforged Battle-Axe isn't going to help you go wide, but if you've got a little mana set aside (or a commander with Affinity for Equipment), it can sure help you go tall! Finally, if you're really set on getting tokens down and swinging in for a ton, Horn of Valhalla has got you covered on both counts (although I probably still prefer Hexgold Hoverwings, if you have to choose one over the other).
Nuts and Bolts
There always seems to be a bit of interest in how these lists are made (this seems like a good time to stress once again that they are based on EDHREC score, NOT my personal opinion…), and people are often surprised that I’m not using any special data or .json from EDHREC, but rather just muddling my way through with some Scryfall knowledge! For your enjoyment/research, here is this week’s Scryfall search.
What Do You Think?
I'm not gonna lie, even after going through all the hullabaloo to make Nahiri, Forged in Fury a bit more interesting, I'm still rather underwhelmed. Being a long-time proponent of "Boros doesn't have to just be aggro", I think on some level I resent being thrust into the Equipment box again for what feels like the 30th set in a row. Lorehold showed that we can do so much with the color combination, so why do we keep going back to this well?
And finally, what is your favorite Living Weapon Equipment, either from the original mechanic or the multiple copycats that have followed? Have you ever played around with token Equipment decks, or is this a new experiment for you?
Let us know in the comments, and we'll see you at the dinner table with the built-in tablecloth.
DougY
Doug has been an avid Magic player since Fallen Empires, when his older brother traded him some epic blue Homarids for all of his Islands. As for Commander, he's been playing since 2010, when he started off by making a two-player oriented G/R Land Destruction deck. Nailed it. In his spare time when he's not playing Magic, writing about Magic or doing his day job, he runs a YouTube channel or two, keeps up a College Football Computer Poll, and is attempting to gif every scene of the Star Wars prequels.
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