Have you ever wondered how much simpler life would be if you could distill your entire personality into one of the five original preconstructed Commander decks from 2011? 

Luckily, there are only five known personality types among humans, each aligning perfectly with Heavenly Inferno, Mirror Mastery, Counterpunch, Political Puppets, and Devour for Power. Weird how that ended up. Anyway, go on and find out which one you are!

Which Original Precon Are You?

Calling one friend, putting them on mute, then calling a second friend and talking bad about the first one to see what the second one will say.

Trying to convince your parent to let you take senior photos with a battle axe.

Allowing your personal identity to be subsumed by an article you read about the ocean sunfish.

Just working. It's the same answer in 2011 as it is in 2026.

Writing a term paper in college about how good and evil are just like, concepts, man.

You win by allowing them to think THEY won. It's all about the long game, which in this case is ants.

You explain that "chores" is a social contract that you never explicitly signed, therefore rendering you exempt from vacuuming.

You share a link to a study conducted by "scientists" that clearly states a little patina on the dishes is a good thing for your body's immune system.

You just stare, unblinking, until they walk away.

You hire a lawyer. But, like, a really theatrical one.

Where else can you get such a complicated set of rules by which you can badger anyone else to abide?

Because if you can get everyone around you hooked on it, you don't have to think about what to buy them for birthdays and Christmas anymore.

You found a copy of Gaze of Pain in your uncle's glove box in 1996 and you made it your whole personality.

You're so jaded that crushing opponents via a card game is the only way to feel joy.

You like to assemble Rube Goldberg-esque combos that require comprehensive knowledge of niche rules, because you're very, very smart.

You babysat neighborhood kids and made them duel with Nerf weapons for your amusement.

You worked at a pet store, and you named every fish that you sold "Jared." You still wonder how those Jareds are doing.

You scooped ice cream at a mom-and-pop shop over the summer, and your forearms still ache, but you learned a lot about human nature.

You did food delivery until you got stuck in a snowstorm and ate all the food.

You were paid $100 to be an extra for an episode of Gilmore Girls but when you refused to stop looking into the camera, they fired you.

You trick your significant other into thinking you're going on a couple's weekend, only to roll up at a PTQ.

You build three decks, dismantle two of them before anyone sees, and spend $60 on cards for a fourth concept you haven't sleeved yet.

You goldfished your Commander deck all morning, changed half the cards, goldfished some more, then skipped Commander night because you don't want to think about Magic for the rest of the day.

You invited your playgroup to your house, got salty after losing the first game of the night, and refused to let people use your bathroom until they apologized.

You spent the better part of the weekend looking at Ice Age commons to try recapturing the feeling you got from Gaze of Pain.

Life is drama, and your goal is to never be outdone. Angels and demons and dragons? Really? Ever hear of subtlety? Your spirit animal is a very angry redhead.

You are Heavenly Inferno!

There are two sides to every argument, but if you can somehow mold yourself into both sides at once, you'll never lose! Your spirit animal is your own reflection, you handsome devil.

You are Mirror Mastery!

Spores are just friends you haven't inhaled yet! Or, that's what you tell yourself in order to avoid cleaning the bathroom. Who are you to stand in the way of the proliferation of life? Your spirit animal is a fungus, which is technically not an animal.

You are Counterpunch!

You fancy yourself a social architect. You don't need to be the most popular person in the room, but you need to know who is, and if they have weaknesses. Your spirit animal is a minotaur who gives terrible presents.

You are Political Puppets!

You're driven by the need to know things other people do not know. However, you find that the reason people don't know the things you know is that the things you know are largely irrelevant unless you end up on Jeopardy! Your spirit animal is a sentient tub of Gak.