Time and TideTime and Tide | Art by George Pratt
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, I forget!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day.
I'm Mike Carrozza. Here's a Magic card!
If it weren't for Zoraline, Cosmos CallerZoraline, Cosmos Caller, this card would only be in 193 decks instead of 494. Wow! Lots of cards in this game, huh?
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hello Mike,
Reading your column on EDHREC reminded me of an encounter I had at my LGS a good while ago mainly between myself and another player a little after Modern Horizons 3 and its respective Commander decks came out.
I was in a game of Commander at my LGS at which I am a regular but with a random pod instead of good friends. I was playing my Ayara, First of LocthwainAyara, First of Locthwain deck, a mono-black aristocrats deck that was specifically tooled around devotion payoffs, be it Nykthos, Shrine to NyxNykthos, Shrine to Nyx, or synergistic payoffs, like Abhorrent OverlordAbhorrent Overlord. (And naturally, GaryGary).
One player had an upgraded precon with Azlask, the Swelling ScourgeAzlask, the Swelling Scourge. All went well enough until the Azlask player got gotten enough colorless ramp together to put out a fairly early Ugin, the Spirit DragonUgin, the Spirit Dragon, where he was poised to one-sidedly exile the board of all permanents.
Before he activated Ugin, I asked if he would be willing to leave my five-mana enchantment, Dawn of the DeadDawn of the Dead up, given that all the creatures in play would be gone activation where X is equal to four. He quickly, and smugly, refused. I then informed him if he was committed to completely wiping everyone else's board, I would remove his commander. He deemed that acceptable. He wiped everything five mana value or less.
My turn followed his. I played the removal I had in my hand, OublietteOubliette. The Azlask player, unused to phasing or removal that locked down a commander rather than sending it back to the command zone, was astonished to find that Azlask was phased out for as long as I controlled the enchantment.
The rest of the game proceeded fairly quickly, with the other two players, in no way feeling generous to the Azlask player who wiped their boards, too, began to hard focus on him, first playing creatures, then swinging his way and finishing off Ugin. Lacking enchantment removal himself, the Azlask player never got his commander back and was the first to be removed the game, and was visibly irritated by the end of the game - quickly packing his things and parting with a 'it's been fun, it's been real, but it hasn't been real fun' - possibly exacerbated by the fact I ended up winning in the end.
Am I the Bolas for not telling him just what kind of removal I happened to have in my hand? For his strong ramp start, it seemed fairly likely he was expecting to just be able to replay Azlask again. He didn't seem new to Magic, just not familiar with something like OublietteOubliette.
Sincerely,
DontPassGo
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
Short one for today! No, you're not the Bolas for playing a really good piece of removal. Your opponent literally just used removal for everything in play they didn't control. Using one bit of removal is totally fair. Locking out a commander can be brutal, but it happens. Not to mention, looking at Asklask, you have to wonder if there was a backup plan in place at all. It's a commander that anthems for WUBRG, and Eldrazi Scions and Spawns get Annihilator. Whoa, sounds like more removal.
It's a bummer to lose your commander to a lock Aura like Darksteel MutationDarksteel Mutation or OublietteOubliette. It's unfortunate, but it happens. It can be a fun puzzle to try to find your way out from under a card like that. Most games where that's happened to a commander that's important to my game plan, it's made me rethink some of the deck's inclusions or shown which cards are standouts for this particular situation. It's a bit of a blessing and a good way to get to tinkering with a deck.
Getting off to an explosive start and then getting an all-timer banger seven-drop planeswalker to board wipe in a way that keeps your board in tact is definitely going to attract some negative attention. What was your opponent expecting? A round of applause? Archenemy games happen naturally in pods all over the world. The issue is that when you pop off this hard and slam on the reset button for just your opponents, you have to realize that you are now the biggest obstacle in the way for each of your opponents. If you cannot accept that you're a problem and take it in stride, you can never have a good time.
If someone ever told me "it's been fun, it's been real, but it hasn't been real fun" I would ask them to elaborate on why. It's not like I would disagree in this instance, but I think an exit line like that is coward behavior. You can still be civil, thank folks for the game, and move on. Saying something like this feels like a conversation starter to me. Let's unpack that, pal. Was it not "real fun" because you were denied the steamrolling you expected? Was your experience with a multiplayer game impacted by the presence of three other individuals having their own experience at a table with you? Take a damn second to get outside yourself and consider that perhaps there was real fun had by others who were given an enemy to band together over. You can be part of this celebration, too. If you choose to be, that is.
There are people out there who need a quick shake to remind them that an attitude adjustment could make your nights out at an LGS a lot more fun.
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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