Numot, the DevastatorNumot, the Devastator | Art by Dan Dos Santos

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, why are you mad at me?!

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?

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I'm Mike Carrozza and something ain't right.

You're telling me this guy isn't a Pirate and it's just Halloween or somethin'?

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some. A spell was misattributed for the big moment so I found a suitable replacement as described.)

SUBMISSION

Hiya Mike!

I've been reading your posts for a while, commented here and there, and have done my best to adhere to your wisdom. With that said, I have a situation that I'm not sure I'm the Bolas in the typical sense. Let me explain.

It's been a year since the incident, but it sits heavy with me. I hadn't played much Commander at the time, when a friend of mine, Howard, asked if I wanted to come over to play with his cousin and a new player (let's call him Napalm) they're trying to get to stick to their playgroup. Howard can be a bit of a spicy meatball. Sometimes he's a bit too zealous when it comes to playing the game. We typically get along, especially when it comes to talking about deck brewing or what our end games are for projects, but sometimes, gaming with him can get uncomfortable if games don't go his way.

After weighing my desire to sling spells versus the likelihood of eating a spicy meatball, I went to this playgroup that I generally get along with, met Napalm, and got straight to gaming. The first game had me playing Ivora, Insatiable HeirIvora, Insatiable Heir versus Howard's Ojer Axonil, Deepest MightOjer Axonil, Deepest Might, his cousin's Bruvac the GrandiloquentBruvac the Grandiloquent, and the new player's Abdel Adrian, Gorion's WardAbdel Adrian, Gorion's Ward and Candlekeep SageCandlekeep Sage deck. The game took around 30 minutes with a bit of back and forth until the newbie won through an infinite loop of bouncing and milling the table. Though Howard lost, he and Napalm commented on my deck not doing too much and to try it again to see what it could do. Especially since this would be the 'last game' because something came up. His cousin, who had been silent for the most part, suggested that the last game should be a two-headed giant to spice things up a little and to make things fair. That should have been a red flag.

While I stayed on Ivora, Napalm switched to Bristly Bill, Spine SowerBristly Bill, Spine Sower, and Howard switched to Phenax, God of DeceptionPhenax, God of Deception. He then proceeds to immediately partner with his cousin, still on Bruvac, and mills Napalm and I out five minutes later. I was definitely annoyed, but what got under my skin was the first words that came from Howard's mouth after their victory: "Wow, that game went so fast! Almost like our decks were meant to work together. Looks like we have time for an extra game if you guys are down?"

Napalm and I agreed for one last game, looked at each other, and agreed to play our favorite decks even if they don't mesh well. Gotta have fun right? I brought out my first ever deck, Kaalia of the VastKaalia of the Vast with a legendary theme, and Napalm brings out Red Flag #2, Numot, the DevastatorNumot, the Devastator.

Howard asks to look at Napalm's commander, reads it, and for a split second I'm thinking 'there is NO WAY he'll let this stick', but he gives it the okay to be played. Now, I want to state that I've played this particular Kaalia deck many times around Howard and his cousin. They knew many of its tricks and how I liked to play. It has a flying sub theme to help get in for damage. No questions were sent my way about my deck. Not one.

After the first few turns of ramp, playing a Swiftfoot BootsSwiftfoot Boots, and being dealt a bit of mill from our opponents, it's now turn four. I play my commander and give her the Boots. Napalm plays BoilBoil.

Obviously, this is devastating for Howard and his cousin (Napalm lost a single Island in comparison), but I was left unscathed. The next few turns is me swinging with haymakers like Aurelia, the WarleaderAurelia, the Warleader and Junji, the Midnight SkyJunji, the Midnight Sky, growing my board while Napalm is focusing on counter magic. Howard and his cousin effectively were defeated just as swiftly as we were last game. I expected a number of responses. Most of them being directed at Napalm for the mass land destruction.

Instead, I was targeted by Howard for playing a flying deck against him and his cousin's combo mill strategy, saying that I made the game unfun and it wasn't fair for them. This went on back and forth for a bit with me pointing out that those two knew my Kaalia deck, asking why he didn't ask any questions to Napalm, especially about playing a deck that obviously hinted at land destruction. After seeing that Howard wasn't going to give up his angle, I packed up, refused the ride he was trying to offer to take me home, and walked back bag in hand.

It might be ridiculous, but Am I the Bolas for not pointing out the possibility of mass land destruction during the pre-game chat for game three? I understand trying to appease to Napalm so he'll stick around for future games, but I definitely didn't appreciate all the spice that came my way unjustly.

Sincerely,

VERDICT

Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

I'll be very blunt about this: this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Being so hellbent on winning to the point where you switch up decks so you can engineer a quick win is already a bit of a red flag. If your reason for doing this is because another game didn't break your way, then that flag is bigger and redder. I can appreciate that you're friends with Howard and he's quite pleasant outside of games. However, I don't think it's possible to get to a comfortable point without furthering the discomfort a little more. By explaining that his behavior is not conducive to a good time, you'll be able to have a frank discussion of what makes the playgroup experience welcoming and fun. Maybe you won't scare away prospective newbies to the group if the attitude shifts.

Napalm's addition to the group seems like you've got someone who's closer to being on your page. Based on the reaction to the Phenax/Bruvac team-up being to pull out a land destruction deck, I would be surprised if Napalm sticks around if this kind of thing happens again. I get that Howard wanted to blow up at someone for the loss, so coming at you instead of Napalm is definitely anger displacement. That said, Napalm is definitely the cause of his frustration. I have absolutely no doubt.

Put yourself in Napalm's shoes. You get invited to a Commander night and the first game goes your way because you combo-ed out. Maybe you recognize that it might be a little quick for this table, you take the temperature. The host suggests Two-Headed Giant and compliments his partner's mill deck with another mill deck then beats you in five minutes. Message received. If I were closer to these people, maybe I could try a direct discussion, but let's try the ol' "fight fire with fire" technique.

I don't blame Napalm for pulling out his Numot deck, but I don't think this reaction is exactly my favorite. Although I think Napalm's move is closer to standing up to a bully than an outright attack, if I were Napalm, I'd probably excuse myself and maybe not be so keen to return.

I don't like this story. It's full of hostility. I think you refusing the ride and heading home is right for the moment. You respected yourself and established a boundary. I think it's best to have a conversation with your friend and acknowledge his habit of blowing up when he doesn't win. Napalm feels like more your speed and that's halfway to another pod if Howard and his cousin don't work out.

Anyway, not the Bolas. This sounds awful, I hope it doesn't happen again. Thanks again for writing in!