WorldslayerWorldslayer | Art by Greg Staples
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, slay the whole world?!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza, the guy who celebrates his opponents without needing it to pay for an evoke cost!
"That was so sick, you gotta send me the list!"
This week, how to respond to a world slain.
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hi there Mike,
I was playing Commander with some friends a few months ago. We had a player who is a longtime friend, new to Magic, join our pod for some Commander. Not their first game or Commander night, but they were still new to the game and making some sub-optimal decks. Knowing this, I tend to either play with powered down decks, or not target this player much during our games.
One game made me feel like a bit of a Bolas when our new player managed to swing in on someone with WorldslayerWorldslayer and blow up all permanents on the board, with no follow-up win condition, effectively grinding the game to a halt.
I was playing a low-to-the-ground aggro deck, and was able to recover quicker than the other players in the pod, so I spent the time going after our Worldslaying friend, as punishment, and also to prevent another Worldslaying. I managed to quickly knock them out of the game, but after that point the other two players had recovered and the game lasted a much longer time before it ended and we could shuffle up again. (I don’t remember who won.)
Our WorldslayerWorldslayer pal was pretty miffed at the time for being targeted and then being forced to wait for so long to play again, but to me I think it’s a fair punishment for playing a land destruction wipe like that with no win-con and it was a learning moment of his own creation.
Anyway, we’re all good, still play lots together and are still friends. But I sometimes wonder if I was the Bolas for forcing a newer player to sit out of the Magic night for close to an hour watching us play, because they succeeded in playing a card they were excited about.
What do you think? Am I the Bolas?
Thanks,
Trombone
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
I'll begin by saying that this is a lovely submission because we don't have to wonder how the event affected anybody - everybody still hangs out and plays together. This seems to be water under the bridge and you're all fine, so that's really nice and I'm happy for everybody.
Trombone, my friend, it has been a really long time since I've seen WorldslayerWorldslayer in play. It's a card that absolutely demands an answer. Whether it's being used by a player who knows how to build around it and ensure they have the follow-up turns mapped out or, in this case, in the hands of a less experienced player content with seeing the game get stalled as a demonstration of power, WorldslayerWorldslayer needs to go. If it goes off once, it is abundantly clear that it cannot happen again, and so I can't fault you for making the call to go after the player who used it.
I have to assume in this case that you didn't have any removal for the Equipment itself and so you opted for player removal, which is a bummer, but it is what it is. Having the game get set back repeatedly turns a game of Magic into a Sisyphean punishment designed to torment you, and if it keeps happening, it's almost like WorldslayerWorldslayer has The One RingThe One Ring levels of influence on its bearer. Not The One RingThe One Ring the card, but The One Ring from the Lord of the Rings books and movies. (I've finally watched the movies, and to those concerned, you can stop telling me to watch them! I have, they're contemporary miracles and should be considered modern-day wonders.)
I understand the temptation of WorldslayerWorldslayer in the eyes of the inexperienced. It's such a huge effect that warps the game and Magic is a game about conflict and power. What's more powerful than deleting the entire game? Inexperienced players likely don't hang onto their lands for turns following the Slaying or have a follow-up because to use WorldslayerWorldslayer is the goal and the end game for them. It's in the deck to do this at least once and then when they do it, it's all "Hell yeah, I did it! WorldslayerWorldslayer, baby!"
A brief moment of celebration before being hit with the realization that the game doesn't just end there. Some might scoop and I wouldn't blame them, but the game goes on. This is most definitely a lesson to be learned by the newer player.
By having WorldslayerWorldslayer go off and invoking the wrath of their opponents immediately after, it should dawn on this player to have a plan should they do this again. Or maybe they decide the card is not worth the smoke. Did you have a chat with this player about WorldslayerWorldslayer and why you went after them so hard?
I do think that knocking out a player and having them twiddle their thumbs for an hour is a bummer byproduct of the format sometimes. I'd like to use my parting words in this article to encourage players who have control over their playing environment to have things to do or plans for passing time when a player is eliminated and has time to wait.
You are not the Bolas, Trombone. Though Bolas Trombone conjures a fun image of a massive planeswalking Dragon wearing shades and playing some ska ("pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"), I cannot say this was a Bolas move. You did what was best for your game plan and took out the only player who presented such a massive threat to you and the game in general.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't like WorldslayerWorldslayer in concept, though. What a crazy card. WotC printed a nuke onto a sword in 2003 and couldn't predict this would happen more than 20 years later. What a gift this game's history continues to be.
Not the Bolas! Happy holidays!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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