Laboratory ManiacLaboratory Maniac | Art by Jason Felix
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, listen up!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
THIS PODCAST! Do us a favor a subscribe to us. We've got some fun stuff in the works and it would mean a lot to Michael, Morgan, and I if you did! Become a Bolcut and get into the Bolcast!
I'm Mike Carrozza and at least we got Fleem in the first place.
FLEEM!
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hey Mike,
Long time reader of the column, I think I sent you a submission some time ago about me that involves that same deck and is another story about it being too powerful.
I play regularly with two groups: Group A, who has been playing Magic for 20 years, and Group B, which has been playing Magic for a year and a half. When I play with Group A, I use a high Bracket 4 (I use shorthand: [4]) Kinnan, Bonder ProdigyKinnan, Bonder Prodigy deck (decklist here) and I am the least powerful player in the pod. When playing with Group B, I use a low [4] Norman OsbornNorman Osborn deck (decklist here). The people in Group B have a large collection of old cards, and their decks are a weird mix of mediocre Commander precon and Game Changers from the 1990s. They average high [3], and while my deck is technically [4], it is on the same power level.
The problem is that those are the only two Commander decks I own. Each of my friends has one or two decks per pod, and often we'll take all the decks, put them in a pile, and draw straws to see who gets what to keep things interesting. In this manner we keep ourselves from having to have lots of decks in order to enjoy ourselves.
One day, I walk into a game store to buy some cards, and there's a few people playing Commander. I have some time, so I ask if I can join them for a game. They say sure, why not. I ask them what bracket we want to play, because I only have [4]'s. They ask me what a bracket is. I explain the whole Bracket System to them, the Game Changers, the mass land denial, all that, and we conclude that they are playing around a high [2] level. I warn them that my least powerful deck is a low [4], and that I will likely win with no warning the turn before. I let them glance through my deck and they come to the conclusion that there are very few creatures in the deck that can pose a threat due to combat damage, there's no burn, and Laboratory ManiacLaboratory Maniac is unreliable at best. According to them, there's no reason for my deck to be a strong other than Notion ThiefNotion Thief. They sit down with me and we start playing.
The win condition of Norman OsbornNorman Osborn is this: Draw/Tutor into Aphetto AlchemistAphetto Alchemist and Unctus, Grand MetatectUnctus, Grand Metatect, use this infinite combo to draw your entire library, then play Lab Man and win. My opening hand has Unctus, I rapidly fill my graveyard, then cast Demonic CounselDemonic Counsel and fetch the Alchemist. I discard an AngerAnger on my next turn, cast Alchemist, and tappity-untap to draw my library, slap down Lab Man, and win. It was turn four.
My new friends are FURIOUS. "I've never won a game before turn six!" "Why did you think you could go spoiling our games?" "We don't allow that power level in our group!" "Why didn't you tell us about that infinite combo?" They all leave within five minutes. One of them said, I quote: "Alright, Nicol B, you rule the world now, I hope you like it." before slamming the door on his way out.
What did I do wrong? I told them their decks were high [2] and mine a low [4]. I told them that I would likely win before turn six. I told them that [4] has two-card infinite combos in it. True, I didn't specifically enumerate the combo, but am I supposed to do that? If someone walks into our pod and says "Bracket 4", I immediately think "Kill the Displacer KittenDisplacer Kitten and the Kiki-Jiki, Mirror BreakerKiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker on sight".
So Mike, please tell me: Am I the Bolas for playing against people with an overpowered deck even though they knew it was overpowered and it was the only thing I had?
Thanks,
Vorinclex42
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
I selected randomly among the submissions and committed to whatever came up and it looks like today's entry in the Am I the Bolas? catalogue seems pretty cut and dry.
If all the discussions happened as advertised and the players let you sit down, after learning about the Bracket System and of a power level disparity, I think their complaints about things unfolding as predicted can be brushed off a little bit. Not the Bolas.
But hang on. Were there things that could have been handled a little bit differently? Sure, there's a little bit of room to grow. However, before I continue, I have to address this bit right here:
"One of them said, I quote: "Alright, Nicol B, you rule the world now, I hope you like it." before slamming the door on his way out."
Come on. If you read this, I need you to come in the comments and tell us with your whole chest that this happened. If it did, first of all, I'm sorry for all of this.
Secondly, I disagree with their judgement. Leaving the store instead of just asking you not to play again seems excessive - slamming the door especially. It feels like something is missing.
But "Alright, Nicol B, you rule the world now, I hope you like it"? Come on, I'm having such a hard time believing this one. Maybe it's that a ton of people lately have been commenting about how submissions lately feel fake, but this one is at least most likely embellished, right?
I just think it's a fun and even cartoonish exit line. It's a multi-cam sitcom moment where the studio audience sees you react to the door slamming and collectively "aww" at your disappointment.
Anyway, if you explained the Bracket System and they continued anyway, that's on them. They went to the hole in the wall that says "if you put your hand in here, it'll get chopped off" and got upset when their hand got chopped off.
What'd you think the words that were said before the game were for? If someone warns that their deck is really strong compared to yours by a large margin, and then they absolutely trounce you, the most acceptable thing you can say is "wow, you weren't kidding, eh?"
Then you take it from there. Is there another game? Probably not, but I can't be mad at that, you did what you said you would.
It's clear these people weren't working from the same knowledge pool as you, so to assume they would know to kill a Displacer KittenDisplacer Kitten urgently is unfair. I think you could have pointed things out that would need to be dealt with. That's the advice I have here.
Don't assume that people know what you know. Unless it's hidden information in a sweaty environment, it's worth informing players of what to expect when dealing with a type of deck they don't seem to have encountered before. Sometimes, this stuff happens, but I hope you could brush it off and have a fine day afterwards.
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
Your opinions are welcome. We love hearing what you think about Magic! We ask that you are always respectful when commenting. Please keep in mind how your comments could be interpreted by others. Personal attacks on our writers or other commenters will not be tolerated. Your comments may be removed if your language could be interpreted as aggressive or disrespectful. You may also be banned from writing further comments.