The MindskinnerThe Mindskinner | Art by Abz J Harding
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, let's wrap up and go again!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
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I'm Mike Carrozza, and I'm trying to find something, I can't remember where I put it.
I know it's around here somewhere.
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hello Mike,
There's a certain incident that happened in a recent Commander game, and my reaction to it was not taken well by several of my opponents. I was hoping that you could provide your input on how best to handle it if it happens again.
In this game, I was playing my The MindskinnerThe Mindskinner mill deck. I was playing against Esper Sphinxes, Naya Cats/Dogs, and Temur Storm, Force of NatureStorm, Force of Nature. It was a pretty fun game at first: the Cats/Dogs deck popped off fairly early with a large army of tokens and a very high life total, but I helped the rest of the table mill them out before they could attack thanks to MindcrankMindcrank allowing everyone to get in on the milling action. The only problem was that the Naya player was eliminated very early in the game while everyone else still had at least half their library, meaning that they had to sit there for a while until the game ended. This normally wouldn't be a huge problem, but a certain incident happened that made this game go extremely long...
TLDR, I milled out both of my opponents a few turns later, but the Sphinxes deck had a Volrath's StrongholdVolrath's Stronghold out that not only kept them in the game but also gave them access to every creature that I milled throughout the game. At this point, I was nearly out of resources and forced to start top-decking an answer, while my opponent started taking a long look at the cards in their graveyard to try and find a way out of their predicament. They were spending upwards of 20 minutes on every one of their turns from this point onwards while I was mostly spending less than a minute for my own turns. I was mostly just drawing removal and CounterspellCounterspells that would stop my opponent from winning the game, which would just repeat this cycle over and over again. After three turns of this, all I had to show was another removal piece and a Mystic SanctuaryMystic Sanctuary that would just prolong the game another several turns, while both of the other players who had already been defeated had been sitting there for over half an hour.
I asked the other player if they wanted to concede or offer to draw so we could get another game started, but they instantly refused. They liked trying to find an answer to what they viewed as a puzzle. The Storm player also seemed pretty interested in how this game would turn out. I, however, did not share their sentiments since I only had a limited amount of time before I had to leave and still wanted to get another game in that night, so I instantly conceded, much to the frustration of everyone but the Cats/Dogs player, who had been sitting there for upwards of an hour at this point. We did get another game in, but I was the one knocked out early this time, despite getting a fairly slow start, making me wonder whether this was intentional...
This brings me to my question: Am I the Bolas for conceding in this manner? Should I instead have played it out to the end, even if it didn't leave us with enough time to get another game in? Your insight would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Impatient Badger
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
This feels deeply relatable. We've all been there: the pressure of a pal eliminated too early in the game, things dragging a while, and your departure time fast-approaching. You want to get another game in, especially when this one has run its course and the interest has waned. Your opponent very clearly wanted to solve this puzzle. I've been in both of your shoes. There's something extremely satisfying about fighting your way from the brink of death, most definitely, so I completely understand your opponent here. That is, except on one part.
If I'm the only one holding up another game and someone has announced their imminent departure, I wouldn't dream of forcing everybody watch me twiddle thumbs until I found an out or my opponent could kill me. It's interesting, don't get me wrong! I love Volrath's StrongholdVolrath's Stronghold and a graveyard puzzle, but I could not for the life of me allow myself to be the reason other people don't get to play another game just because I was curious. At the very least, I'd tell everybody to pick their next decks and I'd maybe keep trying to solitaire it mentally, but the goose is cooked.
If twenty-minute turns are really happening - I mean actual, full-length twenty minutes - I'd be pretty livid if the stakes are so casual. Reader, do you know how long twenty minutes is? When you're watching someone do something where they aren't necessarily announcing every thought process or making an effort to keep things engaging, it's torture. I'm a stand-up comedian. I've hosted open mics where comics get three minutes to try stuff out. Have you ever watched someone bomb their butt off for three minutes? It feels like fifteen! I doubt that these turns took twenty minutes, if I'm being honest. Sorry, Impatient Badger! I don't know if I buy it! However, if the turns were verifiably 20 minutes to dig out of it, that's bananas.
Here's my other issue with this. If it's down to you and a final opponent, but you want to scoop, guess what: it's now a one-v-one match-up, and you don't owe anybody your presence in the game anymore! You can scoop. There's nothing wrong with scooping if you're done with the game, especially if it's down to you and one other player! You're the only one who should care about you winning, and if you don't care, scoop! ESS SEE OH OH PEE! Scoop! It's your time, I'm sure the Cat/Dog player appreciates it, too.
I can't call you the Bolas here. While I understand where the Sphinx player is coming from, I don't care for this framing that you shouldn't be allowed to scoop because they and the Storm player want to see how it plays out. Sometimes the game doesn't break your way! Sorry!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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