Grismold, the DreadsowerGrismold, the Dreadsower | Art by Filip Burburan
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, we just got back and it's already about kingmaking!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza and I'll be prereleasing all weekend, thank you very much.
Soon.
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Dear Mike,
This scenario came up a few weeks ago, and while it didn't cause any actual salt in our pod, it did spark some constructive debate about king-making etc. I'm interested to hear your take.
We're down to three players.
Player A manages to smash me (Player B) down to exactly one life, then casts Disrupt DecorumDisrupt Decorum, goading my board along with Player C's positively enormous Grismold, the DreadsowerGrismold, the Dreadsower. On my turn, I have zero ways to strike back at Player A, and zero ways to not die to Player C's aforementioned beastly Grismold which was also goaded and would have no choice but to squish me.
I cracked a healthy stack of Junk tokens searching for a way to keep myself alive but hit nothing. I did, however, hit a fetch landfetch land...
With absolutely no way to prevent my death, I instead chose to play and crack the fetch land, killing myself in the process, which freed Player C's Grismold from his goad-y obligations and allowed him exact revenge on my behalf by smooshing Player A into goo.
Like I said, no one was truly upset by this - Player A was a perfectly good sport after a few expletives hurled my way - but we did talk further about the situation, with half the pod saying "Hell yeah, I'd have done the same thing," and the other half saying they probably wouldn't have due to hesitations over king-making, and wouldn't have been too pleased to be on the receiving end of it.
It wasn't a heated controversy by any means, but one I found interesting.
I maintain that I was inarguably already dead, and the only recourse I had available to me was revenge on the one that sealed my fate - yes, I intentionally handed the game to someone else by killing myself, but I did so with an in-game mechanic rather than a shady scoop. Also, it wouldn't have worked had Player A not brought me down to exactly one life. It kinda worked out too perfectly for me to let the opportunity pass by, lol.
Regardless, it's become my favorite loss I've ever suffered.
Your thoughts?
-Player B
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
I know there're a lot of kingmaking submissions in AITB history and we just kicked off the new year, but I think this one's worth it.
Player B, allow me to begin with a compliment: I really liked your submission. I appreciate that you and your pals weren't salty and just had a fun chat. A little debate among buds - everybody got to learn something about their friends tonight. It's almost like you naturally formed two camps of players who honor the game and players who honor the story. But I'll let you in on a little secret...
You're the real winner, to me. You got to play god.
Obviously, if you know me at all, you know I'm Team Story. Every day, all day. There is no scenario in which you win the game, but you ultimately got to wield the most power. Your action determined the game's winner and this all had to come together just so to happen. And it fell into your lap.
What makes this one so compelling is that it isn't really about kingmaking so much as it is a celebration of beating the odds of there being absolutely nothing you could do to affect the game. With every Junk token sacrifice, the likelihood you'll find anything dips. What are the chances?! Player A seemed to have this one in the bag and, all of a sudden, a twist. Huge reveal. Even just seeing you "draw" the fetch land raises the question of "What's he gonna do?" What great tension! On the one hand, so much had to line up for this to happen. How could you not? Right?
It's what makes it a great story. It's almost poetic! You're looking for a way to stay alive and the god of chance whispers to you, "Sometimes the best way to stay alive is to die," before vanishing again. You lose in the game but you've created drama. Go for it and make the memory.
The one who might be a "loser" here is the winner of the game, Player C. They win, but spiritually they're runner-up in both the dualistic nature of the upcoming final two with Player A, and the above-the-table victory that is this fetch land play. In a single activation most players take for granted, you were able to taint all potential victories with a stink of "if Player B had" or "if Player B hadn't." A whim decided this game. Would you resist the call to use Grismold, the DreadsowerGrismold, the Dreadsower by proxy, and by extension Player C, as your puppet? What power.
I write "loser" in quotes because there are no real losers in this story - except Player D, technically, sorry! Everybody gets to walk away with whatever version of the outcome they decide and enjoy that without completely being wrong. Everybody gets to have a moment in the sun. Player C technically wins. Player A gets a justifiable "if Player B hadn't" moment that everybody can agree with, which can feel like a win, a hard-fought near-victory. And Player B gets to have been the one to get literally lucky enough to be the catalyst of an exciting moment in the game.
Like I said, this is less about kingmaking and more about leaning into the extra excitement that the game can whoopsie into.
Altogether, no losers, no Bolas. Everybody seems to have had fun with it and the debate was a good time. I wish everybody's playgroups fun, capital M Moments with Magic this year. Happy new year!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
Your opinions are welcome. We love hearing what you think about Magic! We ask that you are always respectful when commenting. Please keep in mind how your comments could be interpreted by others. Personal attacks on our writers or other commenters will not be tolerated. Your comments may be removed if your language could be interpreted as aggressive or disrespectful. You may also be banned from writing further comments.