Emeritus of TruceEmeritus of Truce | Art by Aleksi Briclot
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, what's the deal with threat assessment?!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
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SUBMISSION
Hey Mike,
Longtime reader, first time submitter. I know you've had a few submissions on kingmaking recently, but I might have a new twist to throw at you: does it still count as kingmaking if the archenemy still dominated the game in the end?
I was playing an online game with randos the other day, and the Rule 0 conversation could be summed up as "Higher end Bracket 3". The pod ran as follows: I was running an Anhelo, the PainterAnhelo, the Painter control list up against a green stompy deck, Kibo, Uktabi PrinceKibo, Uktabi Prince, and a standard Nekusar, the MindrazerNekusar, the Mindrazer. I'm generally a political player at heart, and I personally believe that table talk is a key part of EDH and free-for-all games in general. So early on, I'm calling out Nekusar as the threat, but the green player has a control player in his sights, and I end up having to spend the majority of my removal on him. Nekusar resolves Teferi's Puzzle BoxTeferi's Puzzle Box with CounterspellCounterspell and Force of WillForce of Will in hand, and the game swiftly ends from there. Sure, we said high Bracket 3, it's like turn ten-ish, so we move on to game two. In the between-game yapping, I throw a "told you so" at the stompy player, and Nekusar seems salty that I was "targeting him". My response of "yeah, you're playing Nekusar" didn't seem to sit well with him, but we move into game two anyway.
I switch over to Chainer, Nightmare AdeptChainer, Nightmare Adept running mostly the new Villains from the Spider-Man set, Kibo and stompy reshuffle, and Nekusar swaps to a Ureni of the UnwrittenUreni of the Unwritten list. Virtual facepalms all around. Turn one, Kibo lands a Ragavan, Nimble PilfererRagavan, Nimble Pilferer and starts swinging around. I'm the first target, and I inform him that my deck is most likely not the best target unless he likes self-discard. He also hits my fourth land, and I end up mana-screwed. Turn three, Ragavan hits Ureni and snipes Miirym, Sentinel WyrmMiirym, Sentinel Wyrm off the top. Around now, I also land a Key to the CityKey to the City. I work out a deal with Kibo that I make Ragavan unblockable so that he can hit Ureni, who at this point is online and has some scary Dragons (Terror of the PeaksTerror of the Peaks, Old GnawboneOld Gnawbone, etc.).
I get to keep my artifact, which is basically at this point my only game action and card draw was my only hope of doing ANYTHING, and Kibo gets free Ragavan swings. Ureni does NOT like this, and the salt levels are HIGH. He swiftly removes my Key via "player removal", then takes his time wrapping up the game. Afterwards, he goes off on me, claiming that I was kingmaking despite his comfy life total (over 25), board state, and win. I end up adding Kibo and Stompy and log off. I run that by a few friends as a funny story, but they tell me that I should have just kept my head down and taken the L once the Dragon player was positioned for the win and I didn't have any responses.
So am I the Bolas for vocal threat assessment and working with another player against the archenemy, or is discretion not always the better part of valor?
Thanks,
Robirt Candillstiq
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
This one bothers me.
I cannot stand when a player doesn't own up to being the threat at the table. I understand if, in game, minimizing yourself is part of your gameplay and strategy. Fine, sure, whatever. But if you're doing the "I'm just a widdle guy" act after the game is done, maybe take a moment and recognize that you're more capable of inspiring alarm bells for your opponents than you think. Nekusar, the MindrazerNekusar, the Mindrazer isn't the boogieman he once was, but what a friggin' card! We have lots of tools and many more commanders to choose from, but that doesn't dull Nekusar's shine. Get your protection pieces on him, stave off the wipes, and you've got a nightmare for your opponents for simply doing what the game needs you to: drawing cards.
To the Nekusar player: You played Puzzle BoxPuzzle Box with CounterspellCounterspell backup in a Nekusar deck. You know that hitting someone for their hand size at the beginning of each of their turns is pretty big game, right? You built the deck. Own up to the cool things you're getting up to. They're cool! They're also strong! That will make you a threat!
In the second game, Rob, mana-screwed, tried to maintain some agency and relevance in the game. Keeping one opponent off your back by offering an in on the threat at the table is a solid way to do that. If you're mana-screwed, all you can do is buy yourself time or accept the fate of being a non-factor in the game until it's too late. What a bummer. The fact that the Ragavan was also picking things off Ureni's top deck means that Rob is still getting to assist in weakening the biggest threat at the table.
Would this have been a game to scoop in? Possibly. Was this a game where you could have been off to the sidelines just waiting to die? Yes. That all kind of bums me out! You want to try to do something, especially when someone is a threat and there's still hope that a fourth land will get you something (like maybe your four-mana commander, Chainer, Nightmare AdeptChainer, Nightmare Adept).
Let's also take note of these two creatures here:
I'm sorry, but if you're upset of being perceived as a threat and you have Terror of the PeaksTerror of the Peaks and freaking Old GnawboneOld Gnawbone in play, you're going to have to get over some stuff real quick. I have no time nor patience for anybody that has Dragon Rocket LauncherDragon Rocket Launcher and Money-Printing McGeeMoney-Printing McGee on board and takes it hard when they're informed they're the threat. What a revelation! Must be hard for you to finally see clearly!
I'm sorry I'm so surly about this, but I just don't care to be diplomatic about it. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in the game. Let's be honest with each other. You can agree you're the threat while also expressing that you're not enjoying how your experience of being the threat is going. You can still point out things that are indeed problematic to the rest of the board, but you'll need to make deals and maybe minimize yourself. Otherwise, widdle guy, you're da thweat!
I don't think Rob is the Bolas for offering a way in on an opponent who is big and scary while you're mana-screwed. If Rob had more mana, don't you think some Rakdos removal would be coming for Gnawbone and Terror? In this way, with Key to the CityKey to the City, Rob gets to be a team player against archenemy.
Not the Bolas.
Nekusar/Ureni, start copping to being the threat and either lean in or back off. You'll enjoy the games more when you realize where your happy balance is.
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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