Captive AudienceCaptive Audience | Art by Dmitry Burmak

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, an audience!

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day.

I'm Mike Carrozza and I have a theory.

I have a theory about theories!

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)

SUBMISSION

VERDICT

Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

Before getting into things, while I cut it from the submission, Prill mentioned that he really enjoyed Am I the Bolcast?, this column's spinoff podcast I recently ended. He added this submission to the end of it, but I wanted to take a moment in the column to say thanks to everybody who listened to the podcast. It was a blast while it lasted, but now that the sun sets on the Bolcast, I've got a few things to clear up. I'm still writing the column on EDHREC (hey, you're reading it now!), and I've got articles up on Cascade Cascade from time to time! I'm happy to guest on podcasts, but I need a little time before I get back to hosting a podcast. Anyway, thanks, everybody! Very nice of you to check out the podcast and then also say nice things about it once it's over.

On to the submission!

As a taker of complicated turns that can go a little longer than I'd like, I get it. It's so much fun. A ton of game actions and triggers are what make the game so exciting. I'm a big fan of engines! When it comes to building my decks, I build it with a ton of permanents that I have to pay attention to. It's my big joy when playing Magic. To be able to get away with it as much as I can, I goldfish the heck out of my decks. I take the time to get to know my lines and how different permanents interact with each other, and I still make mistakes when I'm playing. How do you not? Am I right? With that in mind, it's very likely that you've got a little bit of blindness to your own gameplay.

I also understand that when others take really long turns, where they seem to be taking their time and they don't know what certain bits and pieces do together, it can be very frustrating. There's a little bit of grace that you owe your opponents when they're playing this game, at least casually, that is. If a player is messing up triggers in a more competitive setting, go off.

However, if they are just going through many, many triggers and actions, that's how the game goes sometimes, and that's part of it. What do you do? If you're in a pod with a group of good pals, you could make it more of a communal affair! Everybody tracks the triggers collectively. Resolving this turn is more fun to work out together, even if we're all fighting each other.

If you've got a playgroup where long turns are a bit of a pattern with certain players, there are house rules that can be implemented, such as using a turn timer and setting a limit. There are cards that can be played, like Rug of SmotheringRug of Smothering, that will help cool things off. "But Mike, isn't that a stax piece?" Yes! It's a soft stax piece. "Uh oh! This article is really about how we should be embracing stax a little bit, now? What the heck is going on with Mike?" Stax is a solution to counter the folks who tend to cast their decks in one go. Use it sparingly and go with stuff more like the Rug and Vexing BaubleVexing Bauble and less like Winter OrbWinter Orb or StasisStasis.

So where's the sweet spot? That depends! What are you willing to tolerate? At what point do you speak up? At what point do you scoop? I think a conversation is always the first place to start, but if you're going to claim someone is taking a bunch of time on their turn, you can't just go at them. Some people have a knack for making four minutes feel like an eternity, but is four minutes a long turn when you've got four boards to be aware of and a top-deck draw can introduce a ton of possibilities you hadn't even considered? I'd say, if someone routinely spends over ten minutes a turn or even averages five minutes a turn, a conversation needs to happen. Your early turns usually are just set up turns where you've got a land and maybe a ramp piece for the most part if you've got a casual game going. If someone is hemming and hawing about their land drop on turn two enough to spend five plus minutes and they're an experienced enough player that not every card needs puzzling over, then maybe start with asking if they're okay!

In order to discuss this kind of thing, it has to be a significant amount of time or a pattern. One 30-minute turn is absurd and worth talking about at the 20-minute mark. Two 10-minute turns means that when the turn moves onto the next player, maybe the table agrees that you've got to maybe take a beat to plan your turn before it comes time for it. All in all, have a little bit of patience with folks who are getting their deck to do the cool thing that tickles their brain the way your deck does it for you.

I think it's hypocritical to take long, long turns and then balk at others who do the same. Just because you're better about the long turns you're taking, that doesn't mean that you aren't also inflicting the same kind of "torture" you receive when people do the same to you. Talk it out, be kind, offer solutions.

Bolas - if the idea is only you can do a thing, that sounds like villain talk and I say eeeeeeevil!