Kormus BellKormus Bell | Art by Christopher Rush
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, blow it all up!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza and I'm sick of this snow!
It's been a stormy Winter.
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Dear Mike,
I was playing Hansk, Slayer ZealotHansk, Slayer Zealot in a four-pod that was advertised as being Bracket 3. The player to my left was playing Toxrill, the CorrosiveToxrill, the Corrosive. Said Toxrill player has controlled an Urborg, Tomb of YawgmothUrborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth for most of the game and just played a Kormus BellKormus Bell. Before he could move to end step, the player across from me destroyed his Toxrill, preventing the counters from hitting the board and wiping the lands.
Now, my Hansk deck, naturally as a feature of the commander, plays a lot of cards that deal damage to all creatures. So in my hand was a Delayed Blast FireballDelayed Blast Fireball which I cast to deal two damage to wipe all of my opponents' lands off of the field. Both players across from me promptly conceded and seemed quite upset at me for destroying their lands, but it wasn't my Kormus BellKormus Bell or my Urborg, Tomb of YawgmothUrborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth! Sure, the land destruction had been temporarily prevented by the player across from me destroying the Toxrill, but the entire point of Hansk is damage based board wipes, and I don't feel like it's my fault that I was able to take advantage of someone else's combo the way I did.
After the game, I revealed that I did in fact have artifact destruction in hand. I'm in Gruul after all! But since the Delayed Blast FireballDelayed Blast Fireball was asymmetrical damage I felt like there was no need for me to use it. The other players expressed that they think I should have destroyed the Kormus BellKormus Bell and continued playing as normal since I know that mass land destruction is frowned upon in this group. I believe that the Toxrill player should remove the MLD combo from his deck to prevent this from happening again and that I did not do anything wrong in this game.
Am I The Bolas for using someone else's combo to destroy everyone else's lands?
Sincerely,
Locke
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column. So if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
Feels like we can get this out of the way: Your opponent brought the mass land destruction combo to the table. If either of the other players have any anger to point your direction, here's a Deflecting SwatDeflecting Swat from me to set the target to the Toxrill player. Ugh, Toxrill! In the command zone? You're building around that ability? How miserable! But valid, like what you like, sure. But, *shudders*.
Locke, you saw stars align and you decided to stare right into its glory. We play this game because of all the cool interactions 30+ years of game design can conjure up. Whether you're playing to win or you're looking to make the coolest play, there's one answer and you slammed it on the table. What a beautiful experience.
There are some games you get to be a bit of a villain with less of the blame. You didn't bring a knife to the knife fight, you just picked it up when it was dropped and now you've got the knife! Someone else came packing with the intention to engage in a bit of taboo and faux pas. The other part of this is that it's pretty funny. It's like the Toxrill player rolled a 1 and you hit a nat-20.
I also want to address your upset opponents who wanted you to blow up the Kormus BellKormus Bell instead of taking advantage of it first. What right do you have to be upset that Locke found a clever way to solve his moving puzzle of a Magic game? If you were in his shoes, would you not think "Not only is this a clever and cool play, it also wins me the game"?
Let's not forget that Toxrill, the CorrosiveToxrill, the Corrosive was in play. A seven-drop creature in Dimir colors was in play. Did the stars align for a turn-two Toxrill? Unlikely, there was too much on the board, right? If this is several turns in and someone tried to nuke the lands, I'd say it's about time to go for a win. I also think that if you caused two players to scoop, you must've had a bunch of lands right? It's not like you're stuck on four lands and your opponents don't think they can get back in the game, I hope. Either way, shuffle up, we're going again.
Not the Bolas, actually a bit of a hero, frankly. I loved this play. Way to go!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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