Am I the Bolas? - Pummelling the "Wittle Guy"

July 15, 2026

Am I the Bolas? - Pummelling the "Wittle Guy"

Electrostatic PummelerElectrostatic Pummeler | Art by Slawomir Maniak

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, so much energy!

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?

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(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)

SUBMISSION

Hi Mike,

I have been a longtime reader of your column and I have a story that happened two weeks ago at my LGS that still sits a bit wrong with me, so I'd like your opinion on it.

It's the same ten faces at that LGS every week, so everybody knows everyone well. I'm one of the latest additions to that group and have not played against everyone there yet. I have two regular guys there that seem to enjoy playing with me, so I usually end up playing with them. That fateful day, one of the guys I had not played against yet sat down with us three to play. The other three all knew each other quite well. I was running a Saheeli, Radiant CreatorSaheeli, Radiant Creator list and the "new" guy (let's call him Plato) was running Sokrates, Athenian TeacherSokrates, Athenian Teacher. As soon as Plato unpacked his deck, my two regulars groaned. He started talking about how no one would deal combat damage this game, how we would all drown in our cards, and could do nothing about it. The others confirmed that it was rather bland to play against. I had no experience myself with him or his deck, so I was rather open-minded and curious what it could do. However, I noticed quickly that during the game, whenever his Sokrates was tapped or otherwise unavailable, he would be very vocal about how he should not be attacked because he "only wants us all to draw cards". Now, I love politics in my games, but playing the "to0 cute to be killed" meta game is a bit annoying in my book. Obviously, I am telling all this to justify what happened next.

Saheeli, Radiant Creator
Electrostatic Pummeler

I had Saheeli, Radiant CreatorSaheeli, Radiant Creator, an Electrostatic PummelerElectrostatic Pummeler, and an idea to fell the "untouchable" player. I copied the Pummeler and had about 10 energy lying around. Granted, the other players also had solid boards, but the defense strategy of "I draw us all cards, right?" had rubbed me the wrong way, so I declared attack on Plato. His Sokrates was tapped and he only had one other creature. He declared that he would not block, as he did not perceive it as a threat. Then both I and the two other players at the table all said that he should absolutely block because I had enough energy to just buff the Pummeler and kill him. He said that I would not dare to do that, because all he wanted was to draw cards. He also ignored our hint that the copy of Pummeler starts at 5/5. I then asked the guy next to me if I should do it and he said "do it for the plot", so I had my Pummeler copy become a 40/40 and kill Plato.

While the two other guys thought it was hilarious that I killed the guy notorious for not taking damage usually, Plato complained profusely and refused to play another game with me. He has since said that he will not play with me again, as he considers my behavior to be erratic.

Now I wonder, Am I the Bolas for doing something hilarious given a shared context between players that I am technically not part of, as I only recently joined the group? Or was what I did an act of unnecessary violence?

Cheers,

the Beamtown Bully

Sokrates, Athenian Teacher

VERDICT

Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

I saw this one in my inbox, and while it's a fairly open/shut case, I picked it because somebody is slamming face with an Electrostatic PummelerElectrostatic Pummeler in our year 2026. Can I get a "hell yeah" in the comments? My pals over at the Hero's Blade Vibe Check podcast love to remind Commander players to respect the combat step and that not slamming creatures into the red zone is just leaving damage on the table.

While I can appreciate Plato's choice to really embody the character and sell the line of "we're all here to draw cards" (aka "to learn"), I don't think it's fair for him to throw his hands up and declare you "erratic". Everybody groaned when this deck came out, he had his commander tapped, he had a blocker, and he was minimizing his position as just a source of card draw. He remains an active moving part of this game and therefore a danger to your game plan. Attacking him is fair game. Enough time has gone by for you to get your commander out, the Pummeler, and ten energy, so we're cruising into a Bracket 3 mid-late game. This kill might have happened a little early for a Bracket 2 game, I'll give Plato that.

Mindslaver

But come on. If you're sitting down to a game of Magic, you have to know that you're not going to get away with being "just a little guy" for too long. At a certain point, Plato will begin to tip the scales toward you or one of your other opponents in some way before he finds his wincon. Magic-players don't get to control other Magic-players unless they use a MindslaverMindslaver effect on another. While I think it's a little rash, Plato is totally within reason to not want to play against you again. I think it's ridiculous, if I'm being completely honest, but I need to mention that he has the right to refuse to play against someone.

You're not the Bolas for going for the kill in this position. Your threats need to mean something, for goodness sake. Not to mention, every sign in the context of the story basically goaded you to this decision. Why wouldn't you pump the Pumeler against the guy who's threatening to invalidate your combat damage, especially in a deck where you're making 5/5s with haste?

Pick another of the regulars to round out your pod next time and enjoy!

Demon of Dark Schemes

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.

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