Zaffai, Thunder ConductorZaffai, Thunder Conductor | Art by Dmitry Burmak
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, On The Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day.
I'm Mike Carrozza and if you clicked on the link above, I'm sorry I did that to your ears.
For what it's worth, I listened to that album a lot when I was younger...
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hey Mike,
You can call me Thunder. I'll provide different names for the people in this story.
This happened a few months ago, but I still think about it from time to time. It involves my wife, I'll call her Aubrey, and another couple that we play with regularly, I'll call them Natalie and Kyle.
For context, Aubrey and Natalie were friends before we started playing Magic together, and we're all pretty good friends to this day, still. Kyle and I are more invested in Magic, Aubrey is new to Magic and pretty much only plays to hang out with friends, and Natalie lies somewhere in the middle.
I had about ten decks that I would rotate through, some more than others depending on the vibes, but I like the variety. Because Secrets of Strixhaven was coming up I wanted to play my Zaffai, Thunder ConductorZaffai, Thunder Conductor deck (the first Prismari precon that has been upgraded pretty substantially), which is definitely one of my most powerful decks. The last few times we played, Kyle ran a Sarkhan, Soul AflameSarkhan, Soul Aflame/Galazeth PrismariGalazeth Prismari spellslinger/Dragons deck. I felt this was similar deck to what I wanted to play, and for the sake of variety, I didn't want to play both decks together, so I mentioned that I wanted to see what other decks he could run since I felt that he ran that deck the last few times I could remember. I think this annoyed him a bit, but he switched to a lightly upgraded Pantlaza, Sun-FavoredPantlaza, Sun-Favored precon deck.Aubrey only has an upgraded Riders of Rohan precon with Éowyn, ShieldmaidenÉowyn, Shieldmaiden as the commander, but wins pretty consistently with it. Natalie was playing a new deck, which I don't remember much, but I think was Golgari Elves.
As I mentioned, my deck is pretty powerful, especially if it has a decent start, but can be weak in the creatures department and if combo pieces get dealt with early. All these players have played against this deck before and were fine with it, and I figured they would target me quickly and use combat to keep the playing field more even. That's not quite what happened.
Kyle has a slow start and falls behind early on. Aubrey and Natalie have decent starts and it feels like their decks are working. My start is good enough that my deck can do its thing. As the game goes on I have turns where things pop off and Kyle gets eliminated. He didn't seem too salty about it, but it raises alarms for the other two. Side note: my deck tries to win using ZaffaiZaffai's 10 random damage ability by playing big X spells, which leads to long combo-y turns.
I start having more long turns, and as I start dealing damage 10 at a time Aubrey looks confused and asked if it's a spell she can counter. This confusion is due to her being a new player and not quite understanding the rules, as well as Aubrey being more focused on chatting with Natalie, especially when turns are taking longer. I explain that since it's an ability that no, her CounterspellCounterspell won't work, and she seems very miffed. I recognize that I'm having longer turns and the remaining players don't have many ways to interact, so I mention a couple times that they can concede if they don't want to just watch me search for a win, but they opt to stay, feeling that they can still find a win or at least a way to eliminate me. I try to make turns shorter, taking less optimal actions or lengthier plays, but my turns are still a bit long, which is annoying the other players. I eventually got the win, though the damage had been done. Aubrey was still salty and a bit confused about how she couldn't prevent the damage, and Natalie made a comment about how her deck was new and not very tuned yet.
Needless to say, it was a long ride home, and we had to take a break from playing together for a while.
Am I the Bolas for playing spellslinger with players and decks who couldn't answer it? What should I have done differently if I wanted to play one of my favorite decks?
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
What a bummer on all sides. Spellslinger decks are notorious for being time sucks, so I can't say I'm particularly surprised. While everybody had already seen the deck in action, it seems like it got to have a bit more of a Solitaire experience this time around, and that's not the most fun thing to be facing down at the table. You were unimpeded! Having to play it out is fair. It'd have been insulting to all if you took out Kyle then conceded even if you could see the writing on the wall. Aubrey and Natalie clearly wanted to see if there was an opening for them to make something happen. Unfortunately for them, you got too well set up to tip any scales it seems.
I'll commend you for speaking up before the game to avoid what would likely be another spell-heavy deck being in the pod, but I think ultimately, there's no right or wrong answer here. There's nothing you could have done differently besides sandbagging things and some people hate that. Not to mention, you already admitted to picking worse lines and shortening your turns to the best of your ability. There's a real "damned if you, damned if you don't" energy radiating off of this submission.
I don't think you're the Bolas, but here are a few things to do to keep this deck around and manage your pod's feelings about it. First, I'd say take a break from this deck with this playgroup. If you need to get reps in with it really badly, head to an LGS on a night without them or hop on Spelltable or Convoke. Next, make sure you goldfish this deck enough to know it really well. Any deck that eats up a substantial amount of the game's clock needs to be doing things intentionally and quickly to maintain the momentum of the game.
Finally, I want to talk about the Bracket System and how it's a jumping off point for deckbuilding and game play experiences. I really think that as a playgroup that gets together with some regularity, there should be a larger discussion surrounding the experience you all want to have and whether perhaps a game timer might be of value to your group. If turns are long enough to get folks to disengage and have private chats, then it's absolutely something to be addressed in some capacity. I want to acknowledge that in the moment, from your retelling, it seems like you did what you could by shortening your turns and making different plays. I think if you were to concede, it would not be very appreciated by your table, so playing it out was the only real move. Not the Bolas, but there are ways to harness your power to keep things more enjoyable for all. Spellslinger decks do tend to get out of hand, but if that's your jam, that's your jam! Just make sure you're really in tune with your deck so you minimize your time consumption in-game.
Oh, you thought I was done?
Special bonus paragraph time! I, too, had a Zaffai, Thunder ConductorZaffai, Thunder Conductor deck that did much the same. I took it apart because I rarely played it and when I did, I spent a lot of time in the tank. It was a fine time some games, but a large percentage was feast or famine. Either way, I'm glad to hear you're enjoying your deck so much. I, unfortunately, cannot give you perfect advice because I gave up on my Zaffai. I hope you figure yours out, but I also found new decks that scratched a similar itch. I hope you keep having fun! Thanks again for writing in.
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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