TriskaidekaphobiaTriskaidekaphobia | Art by Willian Murai

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, 13! AHH!

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day.

I'm Mike Carrozza, and 13 is actually my lucky number!

I probably should have saved this for Halloween.

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)

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VERDICT

Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

Hey, Bungo! I appreciate that you're still into G-Unit despite them not being active for some time. Although, that reminds me. If you write in without expressly telling me that you want to use your real name and you don't provide a pseudonym, one will be given to you and my promise going into 2027 is that they will be weirder! (Editor's note: as long as they aren't a problem.)

I simply don't understand how players can see an instant-kill combo on the table and not try to do something about it. Look at these things.

These cards were literally made for each other. There is no chance that this wasn't absolutely seeded to be the intended interaction when these entered the pool of printed Magic: The Gathering cards. It is instinctual to read these cards and feel fear at the table. Somebody's gonna get got by the arbor gun in play. Ultimately, it wouldn't surprise me at all to find out that the other two at the table were ready to remove the Tree, but also chose not to because of the dynamic already experienced in the pod. With your brother-in-law being your connection to the pod and being someone who repeatedly plays with power and speed (*cough* Krenko *cough*), if I were in that pod, I'd be pretty confident in my guess of who you'd be targeting first. This wasn't just your Tree-skaidekaphobia kill at the table: to your opponents, it's our Tree-skaidekaphobia kill.

More on the point of these cards being made for each other: You put them in your deck knowing there's a chance that this will line up and that you've got cards in your deck capable of making it line up a little easier. You did the thing! You gotta own it, pal! So, you did it "too soon". That's not necessarily your fault, but being knocked out 20 minutes into a 120-minute game really blows. Are you the Bolas? I'd say no. It's a super telegraphed kill that can be interacted with; however, the trouble is that sometimes, you just don't draw your removal. Especially in mono-red.

You're the villain in your brother-in-law's eyes for sure, and I can see why. You're the reason he was knocked out of the game with over two hours to kill during time set aside for playing Magic and he didn't really get to play any Magic. It is absurd to be going two-plus hours into a game where one player is eliminated too early. As a casual Commander player, seeing someone sidelined for even 40 minutes has me probably scooping to get them back in the mix. At the end of the day, for me, it's just not worth it to be spending so much time on this current game if it means that someone we're all meant to be hanging out with is in another room sulking. If the eliminated player found ways to interact with the game in some capacity, perhaps by providing color commentary, then a case could be made to kill some time while waiting for the next one, but two hours is a massive bummer. I could imagine not being interested in getting another game going if I finally allowed myself to settle into another activity while waiting for a game to end.

You're not the Bolas for the early kill, but I believe pods could benefit from a few house rules like if someone is knocked out, we don't go beyond an hour to end the game (or even less, I'd say). So, so, so, so, so, so, so many submissions come my way about three-player games being dreadful and rife with kingmaking. Imagine a three-player game with someone there who's supposed to be playing in a four-player game and not wanting to just take the L and bring round two about quicker. Couldn't be me.

Not the Bolas, but also a little bit. Mama mia! Two and a half hours! I would be so upset!