Ranking Every Battlecruiser Card (8 CMC+) with EDHREC – Part 22: Colossuses & Dreadmaws
( | Art by Mark Behm
I Am The Captain Now!
Hello, and welcome back to this series where we rank every 8-CMC-and-up card based on the number of decks they have on EDHREC. Due to the longer length of this article, our writing team asked me to keep this intro shorter than normal to conserve space.
Well, screw you, EDHREC! I will not be tethered by reader retention and writing standards anymore! It's time to write my Magnum Opus. Now, our story begins withfrom Ice Age.
(The remainder of this intro has been cut to save readers' time, energy, and personal well-being.)
90: : 5,545 Decks
What are you hoping to hit offto make it worth the eight mana? When this hits, like, or in the artifact decks, that’s pretty not great. Even if it hits or , that’s definitely worth the eight mana, but the 8/8 isn’t adding a ton that just casting Tyrant or Gearhulk doesn't get you already. Eight mana for something that does nothing but Cascade once does not feel like it does enough.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Overplayed: Well, at least it’ll always have a home in the Cascade decks.will take what it can get.
89: : 5,560 Decks
Over, Under, or Just Right? Just Right: Honestly, almost overplayed at this price point. Seriously, can we just put the dang thing in a precon already?
88: : 5,566 Decks
Y’know, Dinosaurs kinda got everything they needed from Ixalan. They definitely get better as the years go on, and we get the occasionalto weed out the , but a lot of the best payoffs for running Dinosaurs are all in Ixalan, and it's hard to see them getting outclassed anytime soon. is probably always going to have a home in Dinos. It’s a little awkward that it doesn't work when you flip it off , but it clears the way for all your big Dinos to get in like nothing else. They really kinda hit it out of the ballpark on the first try with these.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Just Right: Aaaaaaaaaaaand the card's ten dollars now. Sigh, why can’t we just let people smash heads in with cool Dinosaurs!?
87: : 5,617 Decks
If we are to believe random weirdos on the internet (I love you Jeremy), then there was a time when was a pretty big threat in EDH, which is news to me. By the time I was on the scene in 2014, Hellkite was already having some issues scaling in Commander. It was still good as a way to remove a couple creatures and present a decent threat, but you were already only seeing it in dedicated Dragon decks, or in decks like that can cheat the mana cost. Eight mana is just a metric ton for a format where the creatures are massive, and the life totals are bloated, so it was fairly clunky.
Now in the year 2022, it’s even more clunky. Even mid-lower power decks don't really wanna hard-cast this anymore; it doesn’t do enough. A 5/5 flier is not nearly the threat it once was anymore, and that's not even touching the growing toughness of creatures making the five damage way less impactful. Is there still a home for this card? I think so, although it ends up basically being more niche versions of the homes it had in 2014. Five-color dragon decks have moved far beyond Hellkite, but Gruul and mono-red Dragons are still a couple years from being completely bananas on staples, so Hellkite does its job fine enough. As for cheating it into play, Feldon still loves it, but beyond that, you gotta be going either very specific, like, or low-power, like a mid-tier deck. It’s fine, but I’m guessing every few years, the piece of the pie for this card is only going to get smaller.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Just Right: I’ll also give it some nerd cred points. I may not have nostalgia for it, but someone probably does.
86: : 5,778 Decks
Isniche? I know that’s a weird question to ask about a card that can literally exile anything, but the more I look at this card, the clunkier it appears.
Obviously, you’re not playingin your or slot. You’re playing it when you can abuse the fact that you can it or it. So my first thought on seeing was, “I think is just better.” The 3/3 doesn’t matter on Cavalier. The not exiling and not hitting lands kinda does, but five mana over eight seems well worth that downside in most cases. I’d rather have the Cavalier come down way earlier than stare at in my hand.
Now, the real benefit of Rider specifically is that it also exiles something when it dies, but only when it dies. You don't get it off flickering it, so you have to be playing a graveyard deck that can buy it back multiple times to get the most out of it. Which one, then? It doesn't seem great insince it's gonna cost you eight mana to get this back. Do you play it in ? That’s better, but then the question is how do you get it in play in the first place? Eight mana for your value engine is a ton. The best home is, like, that reanimates incidentally, but at that point, I’m kinda tempted to just reach for instead. I’m not saying there’s no case where is the best card. I’m saying it feels pretty niche.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Overplayed: It’s not even seeing as much play as. is a messed up commander, ba-byyyyyyyyyyyy!
85: : 5,942 Decks
"Attacking.” Not “attacking creatures your opponents control." You can reduce the cost of this by attacking with your own creatures. I guess that’s neat.
Uh, I feel like people have been trying to sell me on Doug’s a fan of it, and Doug’s a hipster) but I’ve never really seen it. It’s cute in forced combat decks when you have a bunch of goaded creatures running around that give you a 12/12. That's neat.since it came out, (even
That’s about the one place I can see it. Anywhere else, if you’re getting attacked with enough creatures to make this cheap, you’re probably going to be dead fairly quickly. If an opponent is getting attacked with enough creatures to make this cheap, those creatures are going to be attacking you pretty soon, so you’re probably going to be dead fairly quickly. If you’re attacking with enough creatures to make this cheap, then good for you! That means you’re probably winning; why do you also need a 12/12?
Over, Under, or Just Right? Overplayed: And for the people trying to convince me to run this in, I just… no. Just no. We get, like, 50 cards that become auto-staples for Brudiclad every year. You can run 400 cards in Brudiclad before you ever have to reach for .
84: : 6,302 Decks
being a big expensive colorless creature that can be slammed in any deck without regard to the text or abilities on the card, but much like Tiberius Gracchus to his father, would like to do something different besides coasting off his father’s name.certainly keeps up the family name by
The references are for me and they always have been.
The point is thathas card text that matters. If you can afford the mana base of , , and (which makes this $2 completely out of range for most budgets, but whatever), you get a big flier that selectively gives creatures a smattering of abilities. Hexproof and lifelink are the most interesting, and granting the others is all upside, but it’s a little bit awkward that Scion only gives certain abilities to certain creatures. If you want a way to give hexproof to all creatures, for example, you're better off playing unless you're playing so many multicolored creatures that you can guarantee this card gives multiple abilities to most of your creatures.
There is another way to play Scion, though. You can just treat him as a two-mana way to give your five-color commander vigilance, hexproof, lifelink, first strike, and trample. I'm more into that mode buffing aor a . It's especially funny on , but it's less good in stuff like , where the attacking is more upside than the plan of the deck. It doesn’t feel worth the card there even if it costs two mana and is kinda bonkers for what you’re getting. Overall, Scion seems good, but it's no five-color staple.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Overplayed: Of course, you can always ignore the text and play it inshould you decide you don't want to send the Roman Republic into hundreds of years of civil strife.
83: : 6,355 Decks
Since we last checked on my planeswalker series, I love every Nicol Bolas, but I think is the best of the original four to throw into any random deck. People play and as expensive removal spells. Bolas basically does that, but then also does a bunch of other really good stuff. I am aware that he costs eight mana, so he doesn’t go in every deck, but if you want to play a Bolas - sorry, when you want to play a Bolas - he's the one that I would recommend., it’s continued to gain decks, but it still lags behind all its counterparts, which is a shame. As I made clear in
Over, Under, or Just Right? Underplayed: Did you hear about the Ten-pins team that Bolas created in Boston? He called them the "Nicol Bowla's"
(May Nicol Bolas never show up in another series I do again. I've run out of puns.)
82: : 6,510 Decks
Of the random Dinosaurs,is one of the most applicable to play in non-Dino decks. For you young’uns, this was basically the of 2018 where the goal is just to try and make as many of these as possible. and were my preferred choices, and with this card is a delicious combination.
However, it is pretty easy to make this go infinite.or go so infinite that it draws the game without a way to stop it, which was the reason I had to take out of my Dino deck. Any sac outlet stops the combo though, as does anything like . It is primarily a Dinosaur card, but it’s got enough goofiness attached to it that you can happily slot it in any damage deck and it will do work.
Over, Under, or Just Right? Just Right: Dino are too expensiiiiiiiiiiiive
81: : 6,592 Decks
OK, so, what if you took big fish tribal.Even if opponents are only casting one spell a turn, you’re still getting this in a little more than two turn cycles, and frankly, it’s pretty common to get this out the same turn cycle you Suspend it on., and made it cost three mana? You’d have one of the best big fish for
Now, does that makea busted Magic card? Nope! I will continue to remind you that is a two-mana 6/6 flier with upside that is in less than 1,000 decks. also still exists, and it’s often going to be more efficient if that’s what you’re interested in. Kraken barely counts as a win condition unless you desire Fish or massive creatures. However, plenty of people desire both Fish and massive creatures, so has plenty of homes.
Nostalgia and Terror: My Brand!
...And that's why could beat in an arm wrestling match. Phew, clearly such an intro cannot be commented on, so feel free instead to comment on the cards in this article. Do you have a cool deck? Am I sleeping on or ? Let me know in the comments if you can dare speak after my masterpiece. Until next week!