Building a Counters-Matter Spider-Man Noir Deck

Spider-Man Noir | Art by Xabi Gaztelua

One of the many multiverse versions of Peter Parker is a hardboiled detective singlehandedly taking on New York’s organized crime ring and, eventually, the Nazis. Dubbed Spider-Man Noir, this reckless hero splits from the traditional Spider-Man in one important way: his liberal use of lethal force.

My take on a Spider-Man Noir deck doesn’t shy away from leaving its own trail of bodies in its wake — all in the name of solving a compelling who-dun-it.

Foul play is suspected in the deck's criminal underbelly (graveyard), wreaking havoc throughout the innocent battlefield community. Menacing goons and miscellaneous mayhem emerge from the graveyard over the course of a game, and it seems that the more Spider-Man digs into the matter, the more tangled, and dangerous, the web becomes.

Still, this Spider-Man Noir deck persists. As Nicholas Cage puts it, voicing Spider-Man Noir for the 2018 film Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, "We don’t pick the ballroom. We just dance.”

What Does Spider-Man Noir Do?

Spider-Man Noir incentivizes solo vigilante justice as a means to unravel criminal conspiracies. While the card is on the battlefield, any of your creatures who attack alone receive a +1/+1 counter and trigger surveil based on the number of counters on the creature. Notably, Spider-Man Noir himself has menace but doesn’t have to be the one attacking, and the surveiling counts how many counters are on the creature, not just +1/+1 varieties.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that the creature doesn’t have to carry out combat alone; Spider-Man Noir will still allow surveillance if the attacking creature creates tokens that enter tapped and attacking via things like mobilize, myriad, or its own ability.

Plenty of commanders fuel themselves, and the graveyard, by attacking, though they often require the commander itself to swing. Kagha, Shadow Archdruid, Six, Szarekh, the Silent King, Winter, Cynical Opportunist, and Sidisi, Brood Tyrant mill cards when they attack and enable you to draw resources from the mill itself or the cards that wind up in the ‘yard.

Funnily enough, Grolnok, the Omnivore — a card focused on a different sort of critter, albeit one that has been befriended by Spiders — contains no black in its color identity yet plays similarly to Spider-Man Noir by setting cards aside for use at a later date.

Barring rampant graveyard hate, Spider-Man Noir doesn’t have to act on its discoveries right away. This deck is perfectly content loading creatures with counters, sending them on solo sojourns, and letting the evidence pile up until it’s undeniable.

So what if a few henchpeople or civilians have to be taken out along the way?

Key Cards for Spider-Man Noir

The commander itself places a +1/+1 counter on your attacker, but this deck wants to expedite the process of filling up the graveyard; there’s no time to waste!

I didn’t want to rely on mill effects, as they can be quite random and work best alongside the high level of recursion offered by green cards. Instead, Spider-Man Noir outfits its creatures with plenty of counters — all types — that will translate into more surveil triggers and, thus, an immaculately curated graveyard.

• Alchemist's Assistant, Qarsi Revenant, Scavenged Brawler, Adorned Crocodile, Venom, Evil Unleashed, and Daring Fiendbonder can be activated from the graveyard to add all sorts of counters to our creatures. These are the sorts of cards you're happy to pitch right into the graveyard.
• Butch DeLoria, Tunnel Snake, Void Beckoner, Call of the Death-Dweller, From the Catacombs, and Lethal Scheme place counters on others. At a certain point, it doesn't really matter what sorts of counters they are so long as the creature's turning sideways.
• Cards like Stalactite Stalker, Vashta Nerada, Siegfried, Famed Swordsman, Zodiark, Umbral God, Nightshade Harvester, and Nine-Lives Familiar place counters on themselves (in some cases, many counters), and most of these creatures can double as evasive attackers. In the Spider-Man Noir-iverse, creatures are more than they appear at first glance.

• Metamorphosis Fanatic is an upgrade to Phyrexian Delver for this deck because it adds a lifelink counter and can be stacked on top of your deck via surveil for an easy miracle payment.

• Special shoutout to Embodiment of Agonies, who always seems to collect more counters than you’d expect. Pay close attention when you’re tabulating.

Our graveyard will be large, so I added plenty of cards that can be cast or recurred from the great beyond:

• A selection of the usual sac fodder suits this deck nicely, including Bloodghast, Dogged Detective (for the surveil), Timeline Culler, and Nether Traitor. These hit the battlefield cheaply both from your hand and from the graveyard. Nether Traitor is also one of our best attackers, which is what justifies its high financial price.

• Woe Strider, Canoptek Tomb Sentinel, Dread Return, and From the Catacombs can be cast from the graveyard — notably, From the Catacombs adds a finality counter to the creature it targets, and Woe Strider enters with a few counters as well. (More like "Whoa" Strider, amiright? Probably not.)

The surveil triggers do more than fill our graveyard. A few key inclusions increase the potency of these effects:

• As usual, Syr Konrad, the Grim shines bright. He pings opponents when you surveil, when a creature dies, and when a creature leaves your graveyard — basically, everything this deck does.

• Eye of Duskmantle seems to have been designed for exactly this deck. Later in the game, the sheer amount of card advantage it provides can escalate your rush to the finish line.

• Polluted Cistern // Dim Oubliette performs a decent impression of Syr Konrad and Metamorphosis Fanatic — all at once, or half at a time.

This deck is lighter on card draw sources, as our graveyard essentially operates as a second hand. Grim Haruspex, Midnight Reaper, Morbid Opportunist, and Skullclamp leverage the deaths of our recurrable creatures, while Bloodtracker buffs itself for maximum surveil-ance and card draw.

The ramp and removal selections are fairly standard, though Canoptek Tomb Sentinel and Gaius van Baelsar probably stand out. The former is an attempt to deal with artifacts — certainly a weakness of mono-black — while the latter is a toolbox removal source that, outside of facing a dedicated Enchantress deck, will likely hit the enchantment you want.

Feed the Swarm was too cheap not to run, though I pondered removing it at one point to maximize the deck's creature count.

How Does This Spider-Man Noir Commander Deck Win?

First order of business should be to play a few cheap creatures and ramp your way up to casting Spider-Man Noir, ideally snagging an attack trigger the turn he comes out.

As your graveyard grows, so, too, will your recurrable creature options and means to buff them up. Meanwhile, the surveil triggers help protect noncreature removal spells from hitting the graveyard so you can more effectively control the board. A sac outlet alongside a Grim Haruspex-type creature allows you to immediately draw any cards you leave on top.

The deck’s abundance of evasive creatures and plethora of beefy counters means you’ll be dishing out plenty of combat damage, with the caveat that you’ll likely have to focus on one opponent at a time due to Spider-Man Noir’s attacking restriction.

Once the board gets clogged and your graveyard is full, Syr Konrad, the Grim and Blood Artist help to close out the game. Zodiark, Umbral God can also clear things right up and leave behind a ginormous indestructible beast.

If you're up against a wall, Living Death, Bringer of the Last Gift, or Breach the Multiverse often ends the game on the spot. Think of it as Spider-Man Noir’s past coming back to haunt him, with everyone else as collateral damage.

For what it's worth, I'll add, anecdotally, that opponents will often scoop to these spells before they even resolve, either because they don't want to track all of the inevitable ETB triggers or they just assume that, as the graveyard player, my graveyard is far more terrifying than it really is. Don't tell anyone.

Spider-Man Noir Commander Deck List

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave

Spider-Man Noir is an uncommon, so I figured I’d rein in this deck’s budget to match its lower power level. It plays out as a Bracket 2 deck and can be acquired for less than $150, which still includes some bangers like Crypt Ghast, Toxic Deluge, Skullclamp, and The Black Gate.

The maybeboard contains some pricier upgrades and a few cheekier inclusions. The Ozolith would obviously be an all-star but it runs at $40 these days, which is significant. It’s also still unclear how expensive The Soul Stone will be; prerelease price inflation has still hit this card hard, so I’ve left it out for now.

The others on the list could be pretty fun even if they’re not-at-all powerful. Tetzimoc, Primal Death provides prey counters and a chunky body, and Flow of Maggots is not only (effectively) unblockable but stores age counters from its cumulative upkeep costs.

Silent Arbiter restricts attackers, which doesn’t quite affect you too badly, Blade of Selves lets you cheat on Spider-Man Noir’s attacking restriction, and Unspeakable Symbol can push you over the top if you have a bit of a life cushion. Give them a try if the mystery you’re weaving needs a few more twists and turns.

Tell me what you think! Who else is building this deck? Are there any cards I left off you think should be in the deck? I’d love to follow ya on Archidekt, and you should follow me. Have a great one!

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