Vial Smasher the FierceVial Smasher the Fierce | Art by Deruchenko Alexander

Greetings and salutations my dear brewers, and welcome to my Summer special!

Every year, when going on vacation, I try leaving you a little treat, something rather peculiar and most often quite silly.

This time, I had it served on a silver plate. Mark my words: today, August 14th, is a day to be remembered. Today, my dear and glorious editor in chief, Nick Wolf, turns 40. I therefore officially welcome him into the Old FogeyOld Fogey Club!

These are joyful times, worthy of the uttermost celebration, abundant drinking of preferred beverages, and unlimited debauchery (well, maybe not the latter, and thank the Mana for Oxford commas, but I digress).

Fun fact: three weeks ago, my latest Trim featured Feldon of the Third Path, and it's apparently Nick's favorite commander. In other words, I was unknowingly off by three weeks.

But all hope is not lost! He also told me about his second favorite commander, Vial Smasher the FierceVial Smasher the Fierce. And went as far as to suggest that pesky Goblin could be the main feature of this anniversary brew.

I felt compelled to oblige... on my own terms. But first, let's have a look at the commander.

This is a very fun little Goblin, and there are many, many ways to build around her. You can partner with Thrasios, Triton HeroThrasios, Triton Hero, to make a disgusting value engine.

You can take the fun route with Sakashima of a Thousand FacesSakashima of a Thousand Faces to try and make as many clones of Vial as humanly possible, even giving some to your opponents, only to wreak wonderful chaos. Or you can go solo.

With Nick gently nudging my tender areas (aka smashing my pancreas with his elbow), I had no choice but to undertake this route.

You know how we old people are. We like to complain (especially if you're French, hello!), we're slow to take decisions, we don't like convoluted stuff, and mostly we don't give an F... about anything any more.

I thought this should be a strong feature for Nick's deck. Therefore, I decided it would contain no cards costing less than four mana. He's turning 40, it's time he embraced the power of the four (and the five, and the six...)!

So yeah, this is going to be a deck with an abysmally bad curve. I wouldn't recommend taking your chances in environments higher than Bracket 2. You've been warned.

I'm also going to try keeping this rather budget friendly. This is no regular Trim, and there will be a few expensive pieces of cardboard, but I'll do my best to keep it around the $100 threshold.

And with these rules set in place, let's begin the build.

First Brick – Veggies Take a Long Time to Grow

So, where to start.

I'd suggest, as the name of the paragraph implies, tackling the veggies first. Yes, it's redundant, but us old geezers like to rant.

Anyway, since the curve is going to be abysmally high, I'm going to need all the help I can get. This means a rather high land count – 38-39-ish sounds about right – as well as a hefty ramp package – 15-16 should do the trick.

In essence, the plan is rather simple: cast your commander on turn three, some ramp or outlet on turn four-five, and reach for the sky from there.

It is paramount that you don't miss a single land drop until at the very least turn four, as you won't be able to do much before then, aside from the occasional Myriad LandscapeMyriad Landscape.

For ramp, I've gone with basically all the proven classics in these colors that wouldn't throw me over budget. Think Gilded LotusGilded Lotus, the new Vibranium DynamoVibranium Dynamo, Brass's BountyBrass's Bounty, and the like.

There are a few more expensive pieces here and there – The Darkness CrystalThe Darkness Crystal at $4.44; Black MarketBlack Market at $4.75; The Fire CrystalThe Fire Crystal at $5.32 – but overall I've managed to keep this rather reasonable.

Chromatic OrreryChromatic Orrery would have been a fantastic addition, but at more than $37, that was a no-go.

Draw is in the usual range, with 11 spells providing more options. This is a little on the low-end of what I like to play, but since this is first and foremost a silly brew, I want to believe it will work out.

Among these fine outlets, you'll find silly things like Peer into the AbyssPeer into the Abyss, the fabulous Dance with CalamityDance with Calamity, Twilight ProphetTwilight Prophet, which is almost another copy of your commander, or the surprisingly effective Rakdos, Patron of ChaosRakdos, Patron of Chaos.

As for removal, there are nine pieces of targeted disintegration, and four ways to blow the field to smithereens.

Several of those can benefit from a reduced mana cost – Volcanic SalvoVolcanic Salvo, PyrokinesisPyrokinesis, Curtains' CallCurtains' Call – While other will be absolutely spectacular when cast. I'm thinking Curse of the CabalCurse of the Cabal or Skull StormSkull Storm.

Board wipes follow the same logic. Blasphemous ActBlasphemous Act is a classic, Blood MoneyBlood Money or In Garruk's WakeIn Garruk's Wake much less so.

Finally, a few protection outlets will make sure creatures look at other player's boards. Situational, but fun.

Second Brick – A Fireplace Is for Burning Your Enemie's Corpses

Now that the tedious part is over, let's see what's left.

In a way, the veggies already reflect what I wanted to achieve with this deck: spells that are either cheaper than they look, or spectacular fireworks worth every mana spent to cast them.

First, there's the five unilateral damage doublers. I would have played even more of those if not for their high price tag – City on FireCity on Fire is $13, Fiery EmancipationFiery Emancipation is $14, Twinflame TyrantTwinflame Tyrant is $24 – but even without these there are plenty of fun outlets.

Think Angrath's MaraudersAngrath's Marauders, Fiendish DuoFiendish Duo, or Obosh, the PreypiercerObosh, the Preypiercer. Fun times, fun times.

Then there are the burn outlets. Kaervek the MercilessKaervek the Merciless will basically serve as a second commander in the 99; Shadow of MortalityShadow of Mortality will often cost and deal a mortal blow somewhere; Prisoner's DilemmaPrisoner's Dilemma is among the most expensive cards in the deck, but well worth its salt.

Finally, a few random outlets here and there. Some give lifelink to your creatures or your spells. Some provide graveyard recursion. And let's add a few expensive creatures that can be cast for much less than their actual hefty cost.

All in the service of third degree burns.

Third Brick – Old-Timers Never Die

I could not in good faith devise a birthday deck without referring to the passing of time, to decrepitude, to decay, to dilapidation. My friend, my boss, my Nick, these are to remind you that you are, quite literally, getting old.

• Feldon of the Third PathFeldon of the Third Path: This is the one and only exception to the four-mana threshold set in the beginning, but since it's his favorite commander, I think good old Feldon deserves his spot here.
• Awaken the AncientAwaken the Ancient: Tell me Nick, are you hating more and more that pesky alarm clock? Trust me, it gets worse.
• Where Ancients TreadWhere Ancients Tread: Careful where you walk my friend, lest you break a leg.
• The Dawning ArchaicThe Dawning Archaic: A fitting portrait, if you ask me.
• Old FlitterfangOld Flitterfang: Mmmmh, yummy birthday cake!

All this leads to:

Conclusion

I hope you all enjoyed this wacky brew in high-mana-value land. I hope you won't get too mad at me Nick (please don't fire me). I hope you all have a great summer.

And don't worry, Inside Out and Beyond Universes Within will be back after my no-so-well-deserved holidays.

See you next week for a more regular Trim!